Sister called me last night as I was washing up.

“Elise, phone!” Solicitor called.

“I’m washing up!” I shouted back. “I’ll call them back.”

He walked through to the kitchen with his hand over the receiver.

“It’s your sister.” He said quietly. “No chit-chat. Wanted to speak to you.”

I dried my hands quickly and answered.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Elle, I’ve just found something.”

“Something?”

“Yeah. My son has porno pictures under his mattress. Porno!”

Nephew’s 9 going on 10

“Oh… um.”

“How did he get his hands on it?” She said panicky. “what do I do? Is it normal?”

“I have no idea! I’m not a boy. I don’t know how early they start.”

Pause

“You think I should call his father?”

“um..”

“I can’t have this talk with him. I just can’t! It’s too much.”

“Maybe you should call him. I mean Nephew is his son. and this is definitely and father son… thing.”

“Ok.. I’ll call him.”

“On the bright side. At least he’s into girls.”

We hung up and I burst out laughing.

“Nephew has porn under his mattress!” I informed Solicitor, who was lounging about on the sofa with the TV remote in his hand.

He raised his eyebrows.

“How early do they start nowadays?!” I exclaimed. “Sister’s worried about having the chat with him, so she’s calling-”

“Why does anyone need to have the chat with him?” Solicitor interrupted. “It’ll just embarrass him.”

“Well didn’t your dad have the chat with you?”

“No. Did your mother?”

I paused.

“Yeah. No. She sort of did. But I was 19 at the time, so I’m not sure if-”

“So no, she didn’t.”

“No.” I agreed finally.

“So let him be. Seriously, a sex talk can mess up a kid. At that age it’s bad enough realising that parent’s do it, let alone talking to them about it.”

“Yeah, but he needs to be clear on what “it” really is.”

“I never had that talk with my parents. Didn’t affect me. I’ve never had any complaints in that department.”

“I suppose not-”

“And you didn’t, and if I’m not mistaken, you had already done-the-deed by the time your mother spoke to you.”

“Yes but-”

“And believe me, it was a great night.” He grinned cheekily. “I doubt it could have been better, even with your mother’s “advice”…”

“Hey, it’s not advice, it’s just, you know, a chat. Nephew needs some guidance.”

“Babe, the central spread leaves nothing to the imagination. I’m sure he knows what goes where.”

“Stop!”

“I mean they’re pretty graphic. He’ll know where the clit and g-spot is-”

“Oh my God! Stop!”

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