Has anyone ever had the urge to shout out “I object!” at a wedding in response to “if anyone has any reason why this couple should not be joined in matrimony, let them speak now..”?

Now, don’t judge me yet!

Brother-In-Law is engaged.

She’s not actually a monster, she’s a nice enough girl. I get on with her fine. We often share a bottle of something and talk. (Actually we don’t share a bottle. I sort of can’t stand Lambrini. I’m more of a South African Shiraz type of girl myself. Lambrini is NOT wine!)

Anyway Solicitor’s brother decided to ask his barely-known-her-for-a-year girlfriend to be his wife. To have and to hold. For better or worse…

I don’t have a problem with short termies getting hitched. I mean when you know you’ve found the one you’ve found the one right?

Except. How do you know she’s the one if you only see the girl once or twice a month? Seriously, you could count the amount of days they’ve actually spent together on two hands.

Again, you sort of know its the one when you’re with them right?

Except. What if you argue constantly, and not the cute kind of arguing, the it-feels-like-a-dark-cloud-has-entered-the-room type of argument.

The type she always wins and he buys her flowers afterwards and sends her gifts by post.

Now she wins without even mentioning anything! BIL is AFRAID of having an argument with her.

But its ok, because after they get married, they’re not even going to live together! She has a job in the Midlands and she doesn’t want to move down yet.

So why get married??

Because she’s planning the best wedding in the world. The full works with every person she’s ever known on the invite list. And she wants kids.

Like seriously wants kids.

She takes her nephew everywhere with her and sort of pretends that he’s hers.

Yeah.

I know.

Freaky right?

She spoils him so much that he throws tantrums. Like the time he threw himself on the floor in Harvester right by the salad bar because he wanted a sip of her wine (lambrini). He gave an ear-piercing scream and she hugged him and said “Here you go darling. Have one sip and we’ll by you a balloon.”

Solicitor and I had a long chat last night. I’m not the only one that want’s to shout “I object”, he’s really worried that BIL’s fiance will get pregnant shortly after marriage and bring the kid up in the Midlands with her mum.

And BIL will be the sort of husband that’s on hold. He’ll travel up once a month to see his kid and wonder why little BIL is a devil child that throws himself on the floor and screams everytime he wants something. And, god forbid, if he tries to discipline his kid, he’ll receive the dark cloud treatment (which is pretty scary) and will back off before he has a chance to say anything.

For such a smart guy, BIL can be really stupid. We’re going to talk to him before it’s too late. Our advice will probably be thrown back, but at least we will have voiced our worries.

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