We had dinner with Solicitor’s family on Sunday.

Solicitor’s family are huge! A normal family dinner would consist of siblings and parents. Solicitor’s family includes all uncles, aunties, cousins, niece, nephews, grandparents… pretty much everyone who has a slight blood relation.

So the moment we walked through the door we were faced with hundreds of people milling around. Solicitor’s little niece took a run up and launched herself into his arms, talking a mile a minute.

I lost him in the crowd a couple of seconds later and began having multi-convos with everyone around. (A multi-convo is like multi-tasking. You have multiple conversations with lots of people at the same time. I’ve become pretty go at it!)

Solicitor’s brother weaved through the crowded hallway towards me and kissed my cheek. “Watch out, Avo’s on a mission!” He whispered urgently in my ear.

A mission?

Avo’s the tiniest woman in the world. She’s the head of the family and although she looks frail and nearing a hundred, she has one hell of a bite.

“Elise!” Avo croaked from the living room doorway “Gostaria de falar com você”

My portuguese is a little basic and Avo doesn’t speak a word of english. If I don’t understand I normally pause and panic. I grab the nearest person around and ask them to translate.

In this instance, there were plenty of people to do just that. Avo lead me to a table full of women, including my mother-in-law. Mother-in-law is a really sweet person. She hugged me warmly and patted the seat next to her.

“Elise, Avo wants to give you some advice.” Mother-in-law began. She lifted my hand and patted it reassuringly.

Avo began speaking very fast and loud.

“She says it’s not good to be heavily pregnant in the summer.” Mother-in-law translated.

Oh my God!

I looked around wildly at the other women at the table. Solicitor’s cousin smiled, patted the head of the sleeping little toddler in her arms and nodded.

“It’s not good to be so uncomfortable in the heat. So the best time to conceive is around now.”

“A spring baby makes a very easy labour.”

I felt my cheeks flush with embarrassment. My eye’s flicked to dining room door.

Where the hell is my husband? I thought, furiously.

After an hour or so of Avo’s advice I spotted Brother-in-law in the doorway. He shot me a grin and pretended to back away. I shot him a “save me!” face.

“Avo are you ignoring me?” He asked boyishly entering the room. He settled himself on an empty chair and complained playfully. “When Elise is here you don’t have time for me.”

Moments later, Brother-in-law was smothered with hugs and kisses from Avo. I slipped out of my seat, smiled gratefully at him, and quietly left the room.

I found Solicitor kicking a football around the garden with the kids.

“I completely got bombarded in there!” I hissed angrily. “They want us to have a baby.”

Solicitor laughed. “It’s not up to them, so stop worrying about it.”

Easy for him to say. He wasn’t the one that had to sit there and listen to it!

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